Big Mood

It’s a weird state of mind, just meh. I read an essay about mental health and the ongoing Covid pandemic the other day in the New York Times. A state of mind, languishing, was the topic. Not depressed, not thriving, not burnt out, not really much of anything. Honestly, I didn’t finish the article on Monday. I wasn’t interested in being confronted with labels for my feelings of meh. It wasn’t until another friend cross-posted to facebook that I finished the reading. I’m feeling: BORED.

So many of my “normal” activities have been put on hold. I am fully vaccinated as of today. The kids are attending hybrid school two days a week (to change to 4 days the first week in May). I can start going back into the gym to workout (with a mask); none of my classes have moved back outside. I hope with the few hours between drop off and pick-ups (pre-K is half day) that I can feel motivated to move- which helps me feel less generalized malaise.

One of the things I did today was walk downtown to pick up my bike. From my door to the bike shop is only 2 miles. I take some side streets to avoid traffic and areas that STILL don’t have sidewalks(!!!); segue: some of the one way side streets have sidewalks on two sides, while a major arterial road connecting the north part of town to downtown does NOT have a continuous sidewalk (or bike lanes for that matter). I took my knitting. Knitting a sweater and walking is not the same as knitting socks and walking. Luckily I’m just past the sleeve divide and it wasn’t unwieldy.

It was a windy day. A bit chilly. A few raindrops. My sweater was short sleeves, and I KINDA regretted not wearing a hoodie instead. I can knit and walk a comfortable pace of 20 min/mile. Not going to really break a sweat at that pace. The knitting was just stockinette, mindless. I had more than one person gawk at me knitting and walking. Or maybe because I wasn’t wearing a mask (I was the only pedestrian for almost the whole 2 miles). Or maybe because my sweater and my hair are purple. Or maybe because I was wearing my bike helmet hanging off my sling bag. Who knows.

I biked home. The same 2 miles took me 12 minutes. My bike feels AMAZING after its tune-up! It didn’t need a complete overhaul as I suspected; the bike shop actually called me to tell me my total was over $100 less than I was quoted! Its an early 70’s era, Motobacane. I picked it up 2nd hand from a used bike shop in Philly back in Spring of 2004 or 5 (so long ago). After all those years, I needed new tires, because mine were dry rotting and completely unsafe. They were also super skinny and unable to go on gravel. Because of the age of my bike and the clearance available, I was able to go quite a bit wider (38mm up from 25mm). I now have some GRIP on gravel, but with almost no lost pedal stroke efficiency! I have some irresponsibly long rides planned for next week.

One of my irresponsible bike plans: Check out one of my recent obsessions (that is more to shake things up instead of out of need): a House. It was build in 1780, on the market for a pretty reasonable price (we could afford it which is so compelling), its a weird old house tucked into the very back of a modern subdivision. All the other houses around it boring McMansion style houses built from 1990-present. In my head I think of it as the creepy haunted house in the neighborhood. Its one of the most interesting properties that we have seen in the realm of us being able to afford it (I drool over the almost $1M houses that go to market downtown). Drawbacks: its in a different feeder school area, it feels a million miles from the highway, the neighborhood is very homogenous, I would need to drive my car to downtown, its more expensive than our current house. Pros: Single Family, huge yard for the area. Larger than our current house. Interesting. A bit weird. Community has a pool. I could have my VERY OWN FIBER SPACE. We aren’t going to move, but my spouse and I are currently both obsessed with this weird house that looks like two houses smashed together and topped with too much green trim. A house in our court sold within a WEEK, and ours is an end unit with a fully fenced back yard and a deck. So selling our current townhouse would be EASY.

For now… I’m just going to live with the mantra: WE ARE NOT GOING TO BUY THE SUPERCOOL OLD HAUNTED HOUSE ACROSS TOWN.

Huh. I feel a little less languish-y already.


12 responses to “Languishing”

  1. When I see a house like that I think it’s pretty but the overwhelming thing in my head is the amount of cleaning it would take, the cost of getting it regularly painted and maintenance. I hate housework, so even though when we were both working we could have afforded a house twice the size we stayed small and now I’m so glad because it enabled me to give up work. I can see the appeal of the house and other than the kitchen it doesn’t seem weird to me, but I’d need a cleaner 😂

    Liked by 1 person

    • I can’t imagine the heating costs either!! And it doesn’t have central air, so we would need to buy window units for the entire place. Summers here are WAAAAY too hot and humid to forgo air conditioning.

      I completely agree about the cleaning. I am a sub-par housekeeper at the best of times! I would need to go back to work just to pay someone to keep it clean for me. The kitchen is a weird set-up, and so BROWN; it has about the same amount of counter space as my current though. I don’t even want to THINK of the maintenance costs of a house built in the late 1700’s!!

      Thinking pragmatically, all I can think is MONEY PIT.

      Another reason we aren’t rushing out to see the house: We could TECHNICALLY afford that house on my spouse’s income, but we would need to make and stick to a budget (ugggggh). Or I would need to go back to work professionally/full-time and pay for childcare. Staying in our modest sized house (with our too much stuff) makes the most financial sense.

      Liked by 1 person

    • I go through periods of my life when I feel this way, not depressed, just a general malaise. Usually exercise helps, but I’m feeling trepidation going back INTO the gym even though I’m fully vaccinated.
      I hope you are able to shake your languishing feelings too. Its not a fun place to exist.


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